Valerie Bertinelli Recalls ‘Finding Texts’ and Being Called ‘Fat and Lazy’: ‘I Am Healing’

Valerie Bertinelli is opening up about past trauma.

On Monday, the actress, 62, used a trending sound on Instagram to allude to trouble in a past relationship. “Why did you let them stay after finding the texts?” she wrote in a video. She then mouthed a voiceover that said, “Oh my god. Oh my god. Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know,” she finished the clip.

One of her followers commented on the video, writing in part, “You need to let it go and move on. The more energy you put into this the more he is still controlling you emotionally.” Bertinelli responded by saying, “I have moved on Maura, thank you. And I find through journaling, therapy and especially humor that I am healing even faster.”

Also on Monday, the Food Network star shared an update on her dry January progress to her Instagram Stories.

In the series of videos, she admitted that, while the monthly alcohol cleanse has been great on her physical health, the sober period has forced her to reflect on her emotional past.

“I’m happy because I physically feel better. I’m getting better sleep, but I’ve noticed that – oh boy – lots of feelings are coming up,” she said.

She added: “I need to feel. Because what I used to do is try to soothe them or at least try to ignore them with food or alcohol. And I don’t want to do that anymore. Wow, so many feelings coming up.”

After reiterating that she uses therapy as a healthy outlet, the actress opened up about past trauma and how her feelings have made her not feel “worthy” in the past.

“I have been screamed at so many times and told how fat and lazy I am,” Bertinelli said. “I realize…that was someone just projecting on me whatever they needed to project on me, but my part in all of it was believing it, and I don’t believe it anymore. But it still doesn’t stop the feelings from coming up and the hurt.”

“So that’s what we’re doing today. We’re feeling the feelings and letting them go. Giving them a voice,” she added.

She closed off her videos by delivering a heartfelt message of wisdom to her followers.

“My core is happiness and joy, and it gets covered with the stupid things people say to me that I started to believe,” she said. “I’m saying this because I know a lot of you out there feel the same way, and you’re told shit that’s not true. It’s not true. Someone’s trying to dim your light. F— ’em. Shine bright.”

 Valerie Bertinelli Is Doing Dry January to ‘Reset’ After Being in ‘Fight, Flight’ Mode During Her Divorce

Bertinelli’s posts come about after her marriage to ex-husband Tom Vitale ended last year. She was also married to the late Eddie Van Halen from 1981 to 2007.

The actress filed for divorce from Vitale in May 2022, six months after filing for legal separation in November 2021. In November 2022, she shared on Twitter that she was celebrating what she called the “second best day of my life,” when she became officially divorced from Vitale.

 Valerie Bertinelli Celebrates Being Officially Divorced from Tom Vitale: ‘Second Best Day of My Life’

Earlier this month, Bertinelli spoke candidly about people who endure emotional abuse in their relationships.

In an Instagram post, she reposted a video of a woman speaking about why men and women leave relationships, before she provided her own commentary after the short clip ended.

“When it comes to emotional abuse and mental abuse, it’s not talked about, because you just think, ‘I’m not being physically abused, so it’s not abuse,’ ” Bertinelli said.

Then noting that “some women get so lost in trying to make their partner feel so loved, so respected that they’ve lost any kind of love or respect that they have for themselves” the actress continued by saying that a person “will leave to just find themselves again, to just love themselves again, because they don’t even know who they are.”

If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.